


Through the Night

by FrozenDemon



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Russian Angst, Self-Acceptance, Self-Denial, Self-Indulgent, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 12:58:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8373109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenDemon/pseuds/FrozenDemon
Summary: This is likely not a very original thought process but because of the laws and views upon the LGBT+ community in Russia I wanted to do something with Viktor and the internal struggle someone coming from that sort of oppression may face when trying to accept who they are.That was the premise, anyways lmao





	

**Author's Note:**

> Victor writes Viktor more at 11  
> I personally am still closeted :000 so i am not straight, if this seems inaccurate this is based off of my personal struggles  
> btw I headcanon that Yuuri knows a bit of Russian bc he tried learning it for Viktor gtfvsdrfgterfe that's completely irrelevant ANYWAYS

    “Still not going to bed with me?” Viktor cracked a smile at Yuuri, who looked back at him from the stairs as he began walking up.

    “Ah… no… um… sorry, Viktor..” the young man still hadn’t mastered hiding his flushed face. “Shouldn’t you be coming up as well, though? Not to…. Not to sleep _together_ but just.. To sleep. It’s getting pretty late.”

    Waving his hand nonchalantly, Viktor just kept that little smile on his face. “Yes, yes, I’ll be up. I’m still finishing my drink. Get to sleep, then, I have a lot planned for you tomorrow, kobuta-chan.” He relished in the redness of his piglet’s face as he turned to rush to his room. It was always a nice feeling, knowing that he had made Yuuri flustered. Running his hand through his glaucous grey hair, Viktor took the last gulp of sake before following him upstairs.

 

Not being permitted into his student’s room wasn’t very upsetting, not as much as it had been the first few days. He’d thought they’d have a completely transparent relationship- it was obvious Yuuri was a big fan. Viktor opened the door to his room and watched Makkachin jump onto his bed. Curious, really. According to Yuuri’s mother, the family dog who had died not long before last year’s Grand Prix finale was a poodle who shared his own name. How infatuated was the little piglet, that he would get a dog and name it after him? If he could do that, couldn’t he at least hold a conversation? He shook his head a little as he changed into his pajamas. Didn’t he sleep with his Vicchan? Why not sleep with the real Viktor?

 

Tired, he slipped into bed, feeling the warmth of his own poodle as it crawled over him and curled up at the bend of his knee. He forgot his troubles with whether or not Yuuri would sleep in the same bed as him, and closed his eyes to allow sleep to overtake.

 

But that was not permitted to happen that night.

 

Laying awake, Viktor stared at the ceiling, millions of thoughts running through his head. A train of them sticking together stood out in particular, peering at him like the monster under the bed that children fear. _Why do I want to be so close with him. Why did I leave Russia to be with him. Why am I potentially forfeiting my entire career for him. What is it about him. Why him. Him. Him Him Him_ Things he’d drowned inside himself had been surfacing ever since he saw that video, where the man who had snubbed his kindness so many months before flawlessly imitated him.

 

It caused his stomach to twist. He wanted to coach Yuuri, and he knew he had so much to offer. But why was he so interested in knowing everything. Yakov only knew all he did because he had been coaching Viktor himself since he was young. He sighed. Yakov…. Another person he both loved to irritate yet hated to upset. Why not just do as he did? It’s not like the man couldn’t coach, he’d taught him all he knew. Surely Yuuri would blossom under a coach like that, strict and no nonsense. Not taking every opportunity to touch and be near. Then…

 

Of course, Viktor had been small when he began learning from Yakov. Of course he’d do things differently with a child. Surely when he was younger he’d treated students closer to his age as an intimate friend? _What am I thinking. I know that isn’t true. I would never even treat Yurio like this._ He squeezed his eyes shut. _Stop. One day I am going home. I will teach Yuuri all I can and then we can both retire._ He would just return to Russia, maybe find a nice girl and settle down. That would be such a beautiful happy ending. A nice girl, sweet, sensitive, who loved figure skating as much as he did, with short black hair and soft brown eyes.

 

 _Stop._ It turned his skin to ice to think of these things. In Russia he’d taken many a lover to prove a point, mainly to himself. To prove that he was “normal.” None could satisfy what he truly needed. Even in the moments behind closed doors, everything felt like a chore that he had to do to please society. In the past few years he didn’t even try to take a lover because he always felt trapped. Gritting his teeth, Viktor tried to forget about it all.. It had taken long enough to alleviate the suspicions surrounding his sexuality. He’d buried everything, brought to life a flamboyant playboy who clearly loved the company of beautiful women. He’d even cut his hair. It hadn’t really mattered, but he felt as if it helped.

 

He hadn’t really ever thought about men that way, he had been so young when he started skating that by the time he was ready to start dating and rumours spread it wasn’t something he had ever considered. While he knew he had never felt like being with a woman, he had always attributed it to his dedication to his art. Any time he was so unhappy with a girl on his arm he reminded himself that that was just because she wasn’t the one. Nothing beyond that. Even now he was reminding himself what he shouldn’t be. He was so convinced, after over ten years, that he was perfectly heterosexual, but lately things were crumbling.

 

As a public figure it was terrifying. Every move was carefully monitored. People could get arrested or even killed for being anything but what was unanimously accepted. If they knew, at all, who he truly was, he shuddered to imagine what the consequences would be. At least in Japan he had a bit more privacy. Not much, but it was enough. Being near Yuuri……

 

His mind wandered.

 

Every time he thought of Yuuri, any fleeting thought, he just couldn’t stop. He confused and excited him in the worst way. Viktor couldn’t wait for the next time he could see him smile- the big grin when he’d chosen his outfit for the face-off was killer. It was easy to forget himself around all of that, and he most definitely had when he whistled during the program. It wasn’t the best move but nobody was really paying attention. How could anyone tear their eyes away from Yuuri, even for a moment. It was an experience to see and he couldn’t help but suspect that katsudon was not what was going through his piglet’s head. Rather, perhaps he was imagining them, a pair, together in bed doing what many considered taboo. Doing things that, if anyone found out, would mean Russia would never welcome either of them with open arms.

 

 _What if I didn’t have to worry? Yurio has returned home, and now Yuuri and I can spend as much time as we like together. Alone, with nobody watching…_ Yuuko would surely keep herself and the children out of the rink if he asked. _So Yuuri can concentrate._ That excuse wouldn’t work, Yuuri concentrated well enough during the face-off, with everyone there watching him. Flirting in ways that neither of them realize he could. What excuse could he make so that he and his piglet could spend all of their time alone together? _There’s nothing I could say without being suspicious._ Especially with things he was planning, he wondered if his feelings would be even more dangerously obvious. Most people could attribute it to the flamboyant nature of his, that he would get so close to Yuuri, but he knew that it might stop seeming like simply a coach with no sense of boundaries, and instead something more.

 

Letting himself go for just a moment, Viktor pondered what something more would be like. Staying in Hasetsu, learning routines where he and Yuuri would press their bodies together as they went in circles on the ice. Not in a suggestive manner, simply for closeness. Being close to Yuuri was an indescribable feeling, especially in these days since the face-off. It was like the culmination of Eros and Agape. Spending every waking moment with his piglet would be the ideal. Yakov was right, he was very selfish. It was selfish to think of possibly ruining both of their careers simply to be together. They could lose everything if anyone found out-

 

    _Found out what?_ There was nothing between them, and he couldn’t let anything arise. An occasional caress and an intimate hug wasn’t enough to lend to his true feelings, surely.

 

He felt Makkachin crawling up onto him, sensing his frustration. Tangling his fingers in his poodle’s curly fur, Viktor welcomed the comfort. His dog liked Yuuri just as much as he did, following him everywhere. In every situation he trusted his dogs to be a better judge of character than he was, and Makkachin adored his student.

 

His hands went to his temples, rubbing. He should be contemplating programs and routines and exercises, not his sexuality. That had absolutely nothing to do with his work, he wanted to keep it professional. At least within the context of figure skating and competing. Their friendship- yet another thing he was working at- could stand to be closer. That was it, the only reason he felt like this. He wanted himself and Yuuri to be close so they could work together more efficiently. Did that not make sense? All Viktor wanted was to have a good relationship with Yuuri so that hopefully they could both benefit from this experience, even if that meant being a little… unconventional.

 

Yes that was exactly it, clearly, and the thoughts of kissing his piglet any time he turned that delightful shade of red were just what he would benefit from this. Not really fooling anyone with that.

 

Was he really prepared to give up everything for a relationship with a man who seemed to refuse to open up to him?

 

Before he could answer his own question, Viktor heard his phone buzzing. He checked it and was surprised to see the time. 6 am- that was his alarm going off.

  
He had stayed awake all night thinking.

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: I am sorry if Victor seems out of character, I really don't see his entire personality being truly happy and confident and I also tired of editing this. I am working out my headcanons and how I want to write him. If u want to see a fic on Yuuri's thoughts then comment haha  
> Or perhaps if you want to see how the day goes down with exhausted Viktor who is Realizing Things™  
> ......also idk how i feel about getting back into fanfic (my old fics I am supremely unhappy with) so I would like your thoughts!
> 
> Another Edit:   
> Please message me on my Tumblr if you have an issue with my writing, I'd rather discuss it there than on here so as to not clutter the comment section. My Tumblr is in my profile.


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